I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
