soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
