Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
