i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
