I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
