I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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