I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
