we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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