I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
