I think I died a long time ago.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
