drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
