Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am available for nakedness
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
