i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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