Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
