This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
