i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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