no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
