these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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