Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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