you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
