He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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