I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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