My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
