Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
