Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm too high and old for this...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
