I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
