Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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