My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
