tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
