What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
