My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
