I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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