Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
3pm strippers are depressing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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