I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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