Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
