It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
