You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
