the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
