I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
