I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
