I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
