I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
