I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Alive.
So much puke
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
