is your mom at the bar?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
