Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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