I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
