So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
