Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
