the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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