I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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