I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
