Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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