google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Girls should come with a carfax report
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
